Last week, Stephen Holloway (COL ‘19) was finally able to connect to SaxaNet after years of effort, but was immediately thwarted by a system failure caused by a fire at the facility. The incident occurred on Wednesday morning when Stephen entered the fourth floor of Lauinger Library and opened up his laptop to study economics.

When he clicked on the Wifi icon to select a network, he noticed that SaxaNet was available. Stephen had always wanted to connect to the network, so he seized the opportunity and brazenly selected it from the list.

The signal wavered as SaxaNet decided if it wanted to associate with Stephen, who has never been accepted to connect to a wifi network in his entire life. SaxaNet decided Stephen was a nice, albeit misunderstood, guy and allotted him a spotty yet generous two bars.

Excited by his newfound link to Georgetown’s fastest and most-reliable network, Stephen proceeded to open up nine MyAccess tabs to complete Pre-Registration. Overwhelmed by Stephen’s constant need for attention, SaxaNet’s central system began to pop and fizzle. A spark grew into a raging inferno that destroyed the data center, and Stephen was left with neither SaxaNet nor GuestNet.

Once again, Stephen was utterly alone on the fourth floor of the library, with not even an internet connection to keep him company.

The Heckler reached out to SaxaNet for a comment on the incident, and the network responded with high speeds of up to 50 megabits per second.