GEORGETOWN – Building on the momentum of the wildly successful cashless campaign implemented earlier this year, Corp CEO Jacob Saunderson (COL ’18) recently announced that effective immediately, the Corp has transitioned to being completely moneyless.

“After noticing that we never seem to have any money anyway, it was an easy logistical call,” said Saunderson. “Without having to worry about any payments, revenue, or debt, Corp services will run faster and more efficiently than ever.”

The Georgetown student body, when asked, has responded very positively to the new development. “It was always a pain having to bring money to buy things,” explained tall junior Louise Schultz (NHS ’19), “and it got even harder when Corp locations wouldn’t accept my legal U.S. currency. Now I’m blissful and worry-free.”

At press time, the upper management of the Corp is reportedly in a meeting with their vendors, making an impassioned case for the streamlining of operations and the synergistic benefits of not having any money.