WASHINGTON – As autumn descends upon Georgetown, one specific campus group has really caught the fall fever and their most recent promotion is evidence of this. Our beloved EMS service is now offering hayrides in expectation of a very busy Halloweekend. Senior Griffin Reid (COL ‘19) spoke on behalf of the organization, saying, “We’ll be picking ‘em up in droves and we don’t want to dampen anyone’s holiday experience, so we want to give our dangerously intoxicated patients memories that would last a lifetime. I mean what person in need of immediate medical attention doesn’t love a hayride?”

Some attractions GERMS will offer include a spooky skeleton on which patients can identify their injury, a super scary vampire decorated IV, a gurney designed to look exactly like a creepy sarcophagus, and a bin for vomit collection. Responsibility for driving this super fun spook-mobile falls on Ingrid Farnsworth (NHS ‘21). She reported, “The tractor’s max speed hovers right around 4.8 miles per hour, so any bumps we might hit along the way will cause minimal damage. Plus that’s what the hay is for. It’s a hayride.”

The Heckler spoke to some excited Georgetown students about this festive and frightening new attraction. Jeremy Pivons (COL ‘22) told us, “That sounds pretty dangerous actually. The whole idea of an ambulance is that it gets people the medical attention they need immediately. Plus I don’t even like hayrides.” Monica Henriquez (SFS ‘21) said, “People will be in real danger if GERMS goes through with this. An unsteady wagon is the worst possible thing for a patient with head trauma. But, to their credit, it does sound pretty scary.” Mikey McGinnis (MSB ‘20) pointed out, “A hospital hayride? That’s pretty cool. Yeah I’d do that.” This new wonderfully ghoulish feature is just another reason why we at Georgetown love a student in uniform and why we have the best EMS service around.