THE NORTH POLE – After a vague directive from Santa to “wrap it up”, elves are reporting rising levels of confusion, frustration as they try and determine if the order was intended to encourage more gift packaging or halt the process altogether. Shift Supervisor Scout McStuffins offered some insight explaining, “Look, elves are naturally a little high strung – you try producing 2 billion toys with the natural resources of the Arctic Tundra.  The demands of the holiday season just ratchets up that anxiety to a whole new level. So, a command this vague from number #1? On December 21st? You may as well have dropped a bomb in here.”

Although the command was simple, packaging elves emphasized that its two possible interpretations represented extremely different strategies for Christmas day prep work. Said Blinky Pomstreechle, “December 18-19- WRAP, December 19-20-WRAP, December 20-21 -WRAP and now NOT WRAP?? What is happening?!?” With chaos mounting and gifts left unwrapped a delegation determined that asking for clarification was the only way. “Look this isn’t just semantics, Santa’s messing with people’s livelihoods around here. Blinky’s honestly taking it better than most.’” McStuffins said, gesturing to the poorly concealed sobs of his coworker.

UPDATE: At press time an oblivious Santa, when asked for clarification, offered up a jolly HO HO HO and an infuriating pat on the head.