GEORGETOWN – The Healy Clock Tower struck 9 AM yesterday, Monday, April 8th, in the year of our Lord two thousand and nineteen and, as such, The Reckoning is upon us: Live Registration has begun, and The Bulldog must be appeased.

Previously, the University Registrar has been able to minimize carnage and loss of life by instituting “Pre-Registration,” a sniveling half-measure that merely postponed the inevitable, cheating The Bulldog of his rightful spoils as Lord of All That Is Hilltop, and leaving the Georgetown student body numb and feeble, unaccustomed to fighting for their place in this world and unwilling to learn the rage and the ferocity necessary for it. An unsustainable status quo, to be sure.

But all that is behind us, and today the University Georgetown steps boldly into a new era, one of unchecked excellence and unbridled enthusiasm for the arts and sciences. No more may students sit back and allow the weighted placement system to dole out classes willy-nilly. Rather, they must take an active role in their own destinies, with no room for sympathies or regrets.

Good luck to you all…and happy hunting.