THE SUPERMARKET – Even the hundreds of adults in the local Safeway felt the sexual tension in the room shoot through the roof when high school acquaintances Mark Stevenson and Julia Ramos made eye contact in the produce aisle. 

“It was weird,” said Stevenson, still sweating profusely. “Like, I’ve never given her a second thought before, but now it’s like, are we gonna bone? We were acting awkward around each other… that means she’s into me, right?” 

Witnesses say the pair raised their eyebrows at each other and slightly nodded their heads to indicate that they knew they were acquaintances and acknowledged each other’s existence. Ramos, in particular, thought the encounter definitely meant Stevenson desired sexy times.

“I mean, it’s all very romantic – perhaps he’s loved me from afar all this time, and now he thinks we’ll have a passionate affair after a chance encounter in an exotic locale such as this.”

When asked if she found Stevenson attractive at all or had any desire to act on the sexual tension so obviously present, Ramos demurred. 

“Oh, hell no,” she said. “Dude needs to shave that pathetic mustache. Also, both of us were with our moms.”