In normal years, students at Georgetown spend their time bemoaning the brutalist architecture, crowded studying spaces, and sinister trash bags wrapped around the toilet bowls of Lauinger Library (editor’s note: these toilets are not broken, just reserved for Heckler staff). However, this fall, students will be doing the exact same thing with a brand new twist, at the newly renamed Ed Koch Library. But that’s not all. Students can expect to find new homes at a plethora of dorms, such as Ed Koch Square (Village B), Ed Koch Village, and Ed Koch Hall. 

Students are loving the overnight makeover given to Georgetown that was an honest mistake by the administration. 

“I’m still learning the ropes here, and I think I ordered this by accident. I am just so tired,” said Travis Brittle, a student administrative assistant in the Office of the President. “But I also think everyone’s loving it. Zero complaints so far.” 

“We’ll win our games on Ed Koch Field, solve the world’s diplomatic crises at the Ed Koch Intercultural Center, and force our friends to see our dumb plays at Ed Koch Performing Arts Center,” said GUSA President Kyle Brass (COL, ‘22) proudly. 

At a brunch with her friends, sophomore Emily Koch (COL ‘23, no relation) shared her big plans for the next few years. “I’m thinking about studying abroad, at Villa Le Ed Koch in Florence,” she boasted, knowing that she would be having the time of her life while they spent hours studying at the Ed Koch Family Student Center. 

“Based on the overwhelmingly positive reaction, I’m not opposed to renaming this school Ed Koch University,” said President DeGioia. 

Ed Koch could not be reached for comment, as he has been dead since 2013.