In an unsatisfactory anti-climax of the semester, the Georgetown University Never Orgasmed Club (GUNOC) is having trouble reaching completion of any membership whatsoever. “We’re so close,” said president Hunter Toggin, “but we just can’t seem to get there.”

Sophomore Harry Jingle said that he was very close to showing up to a meeting. “I almost came through but then I ended up thinking about midterms and just couldn’t keep it up—the idea of attending a meeting I mean.” GUNOC has been continuously disappointed that they just can’t seem to cleave the pin. 

Despite the effort to build community around this identity, people seem to be content taking care of themselves on their own. “It’s easier when it’s just me,” claimed Josephine Spellbinder. “I can just focus on myself better and not worry about anyone else.” Despite this lack of excitement, the non-orgasming club is still determined to build solidarity across campus and urges people to come even if they can’t.