8. “Honey, please stop looking at me like that.”

That tricky little gecko wasn’t going to give in easily. I knew that I would have to be persistent if I was to unmask him. I was just positive that he was inside a giant costume that looked remarkably like my wife.

7. “No, I can’t save you 15% or more on car insurance.”

Then I remembered that Geico actually does offer really competitive rates. I started talking particulars about my long history of driving my PT Cruiser through the front window of numerous Burger Kings. This little habit of mine has really jacked my insurance bill through the roof and I knew that the little gecko could really help my case. 

6. “We are overpaying for insurance but I’m your wife, not the gecko.”

Even after I explained my complicated insurance problems to him, that darn gecko stuck to his character and pretended to be my poor wife. I was very concerned about my wife as I hadn’t the slightest idea of what he could have done with her.

5. “No I won’t say ‘It’s so easy a caveman could do it’ in an Australian accent.”

Two can play at this clever game of deception, I thought. I tried to trick him into revealing himself by way of repeating his classic catchphrase. Alas! It was to no avail. This gecko is not messing around.

4. “I told you having chocolate before bed makes you see things.”

By now I’d all but given up and curled back up on my pull-out couch with the rest of my three-pound Hershey bar. But this gecko wouldn’t quit the games and began scolding me, just like my wife always does!

3. “Derek, I’ve honestly had enough of this kind of thing. I’m going to my mom’s house for the weekend until you can pull yourself together.”

With this, he stood up, and began packing up my dear wife’s toiletries. I was actually rather impressed with the dexterity he was able to command from inside a human-sized costume. He’s only a couple inches tall!

2. “For the last time, there is no gecko inside of me!”

I wished the little clever gecko a good night and he continued to deny his existence! Touché little fella!

1. “Goodbye, The Sisters Fitzroy.”

He expertly navigated his costume out the door in a huff. I wish I could have hung out with the gecko more because my insurance bill is getting out of hand. Just last week I had to sell my bed to pay it. Oh well, I just hope that he releases my wife soon because I do miss her greatly. Geckos are cool, but my wife is much more pleasant to spend time with. At least she isn’t always carrying on about not being a gecko!