Valentine’s Day is just around the corner, meaning that it’s cuffing season for real. Here at The Heckler we recognize that getting dicked down can be tough, especially if you ghostwrite for a campus satire publication. As such, here’s our top 10 ways to proposition fellow Georgetown students in ways that only a fellow Hoya could understand:

1. “Hoya Sexa?”

Perhaps a tad too on the nose, this one is simple, brief, and to the point. You really can’t go wrong here.

2. “Vil You B Mine?”

We’ve turned a classic candy heart message into one just for a Georgetown resident.

3. “Cura Pussynalis”

At The Heckler we’re proud advocates for self-care, no matter in what region. If you want to care for the whole person seriously this V-day, look no further.

4. “Are you a Whisk croissant? Cause I’ll swallow you whole.”

No further explanation.

5. “Will you be the Corp sushi to my diarrhea?”

Just like peanut butter and jelly, some things just go together.

6. “I Lau’ve you.”

Maybe don’t pull this one out on the first date, but a good sentiment to share with friends and partners alike!

7. *said with eyes gazing upon crotch area* “Are you in the MSB? Cause you’re a massive dick.”

MSBros and MSBabes, we’re sorry. (Not really)

8. “You must be an Epi’s quesadilla because you only look good when I’m drunk and I’ll finish you in 2 seconds.”

Honesty is the best policy!

9. “Wanna be my Kehoe?”

Soccer field, derogatory-yet-now-reclaimed-slut-shaming-term, potato potato.

10. “Where Har-you-bin all my life?”

This one is a thinker.