1) Moving Healy slightly to the left (Class of 1975) Talk about a campus shift! This minor change caused many students to bump into a myriad of doors, walls, and portals!   2) Monica Lewinsky Scandal (Class of 1968) No explanation needed here. This one had us all on the floor!   3) Rolling clock hands back […]

LIVING ROOM — The creepy-crawly community was in solemn mourning today as the Bug Intelligence Service announced that the death toll from the barbaric ceiling light above the coffee table has risen to 18 since the beginning of the month. “The situation has been heating up,” chirped Mayor Adalbert McCricket, “The families of those insects […]

Docendo discimus, or in English: “By teaching, we learn.” That was the inspirational quote that I found through Google before starting to write this opinion bit reflecting on how much I have learned in my 9-year career as a flight attendant with JetBlue. You see, before every flight, when I show you how to fasten […]

GASTON — At Georgetown’s oceans preservation summit this past Friday, the Hilltop welcomed guest panelist and oceanic expert Vince – the heartthrob star of Aquaman as depicted in HBO’s documentary series “Entourage” – as well as the older gentleman who lives on O Street near Wisconsin Ave. to talk about the need for preserving the health of our […]

ALLENTOWN, MD – A political controversy arose in Allentown after citizens elected a figurehead mayor, local dog Spot Stanley, only to be shocked as Spot immediately ordered a sweeping series of budget cuts to entitlement and public housing programs. A press conference was held only hours after the “swearing in”, attended mostly by small children and their […]

BURLINGTON, VT – Senator Bernie Sanders spent the week reshingling the roof of his Vermont home with leftover yard signs from his unsuccessful presidential campaign. “They weren’t doing any good in the garage,” explained the lawmaker while taking a seltzer break, “This way I avoid the huge prices maintained by the construction industry, and I’ll be […]

University Policy: Georgetown feels that officially affiliating with one organization with sexual abuse scandals will suffice. Applying: Surprisingly refreshing for a Georgetown club to admit they just dislike you as a person. Housing: Just as awful as everyone’s. Hazing: Never heard of it. Purpose: Some Greek organizations are social, others are pre-professional, all are alcohol-based. […]

  “Together” I remember when the lifestyle editor of this sparsely read student newspaper asked me to write for their weekly column.  I was sitting on the second floor of Lau, with my medium “red eye” right next to my 13-inch MacBook Pro.  Even though I had a Gmail tab up on my computer, I […]

NEW SOUTH – Calmly packing his few belongings, Georgetown’s new Director of Hindu Life, Brahmachari Vrajvihari Sharan, took great care to explain the reason for his move to Darnall Hall. “The search for the achievement of the liberated self, or atman, requires an examination of both the world around and oneself,” Sharan said as he […]

As reported yesterday by The Georgetown Voice, the university’s undergraduate tuition for 2016-2017 has increased by four percent, over $1000. In response to a call for transparency regarding the direction of the new tuition money, the Heckler has investigated and uncovered five of the main drivers behind the hike. 1. Matthew Kroenig’s “Man Cave”   The […]