The university has entered a state of mourning following pop sensation Bono’s recent visit to campus, during which a student allegedly saw the star without his trademark shades and was quickly dispatched. The lead singer of U2 was seen ducking out of a far corner of Healy where the asphyxiated student was later found.

When asked for comment, Bono’s spokesperson released a statement.

“Bono has helped millions of impoverished, sick and starving people across the world. His organizations have contributed countless dollars towards AIDS relief. He is a worldwide pop star,” the statement read. “So ex-cuuuuse me if his eyes want some privacy.”

Students have shown their support for the slain student by holding a candlelight vigil and playing “Tomorrow” from U2’s album “October,” the saddest song any of them could think of.

It is unclear if Bono will return to target other students, leaving all those who sat in the front row and kinda-sorta saw the edge of his eye feeling very nervous.