An announcement coming out of the Leo J. O’Donovan Dining Hall is ruffling many feathers on campus, declaring that the only food to be served during will be chilled dishes, just because. The announcement, which forbids eating any foods made at the Wok, Pasta Bar, Bistro, or Diner, although such foods will be shown behind the counter just out of reach, has come as not much of a surprise to students who are used to this sort of bullshit.

“This doesn’t really surprise me at all” said one student obligated to buy the meal plan, sophomore Sterling Bende. “I still remember last year when they decided to replace the juice machine with unsweetened coconut water, and earlier this semester when they decided to change the temperature of the panini press to a “safer” 62 degrees. I see this as the natural next step.” Officials from Leo’s authenticated the statement, saying “we hadn’t tried this one yet.”

This latest announcement is part of a longer pattern of changes at Leo’s designed for little to no reason. Stating that heat lamps “probably use a lot of electricity or something” and that hot food might “burn some tongues or something”, the University announced that the changes would be enacted effective immediately. Saying in part: “We figured chilled food might be nice this time of year, or maybe not. We don’t really know. We aren’t quite sure why people think we have a reason for this stuff.”

Previous changes in Leo’s policy have been coming for several years now. This past summer, all summer students were required to eat outside because “we’re pretty sure fresh air is good” despite the temperature topping 100 degrees at times. Prior to that, Grab ‘n Go had seen a time limit placed on food selection, under the rationale that “this is really just Take ‘n Go.”

Next semester’s Leo’s menu will emphasize chilled cucumber soup, leftover pasta, and ice water. Although lines are expected to be long and waits on refills even longer, students will have the ability to “opt out” of the line and just have ice water.

It remains to be seen what changes will come next to the Leo’s policy, but rumors have emerged from the administration offices that soon, cold foods will also be banned. All food in Leo’s must be prepared and eaten while still lukewarm. Dishes will be monitored and removed when their internal temperature drops below 70 degrees. Said one official, “optimally, we’d like to not have to make any food at all.”

Leo’s also announced the start of a new program titled “You hear you” in which students will prepare their own meals at the dining hall.