Just a few weeks after St. Patrick’s Day, Georgetown Program Board President Andy Griffen (COL ’13) announced that the organization has officially disbanded after trying beer for the first time. The group was found completely wasted in Burleith Saturday afternoon with half a beer each hidden in the water bottles frequently awarded as movie-trivia prizes.

GPB, responsible for dry on-campus nighttime activities such as Ladies’ Night In and bingo, will no longer be sponsoring such events on campus.

“Why the hell would anyone come to bingo when you can get drunk instead? No wonder we’re the only ones who go to our own programs,” Griffen said.

On the Saturday afternoon in question, the group found themselves at what they thought was a simple Irish heritage celebration.

“We were promised cookie decorating, and that is not what was happening,” Ian Masterson (COL ’14) said. Masterson was the only student in support of the group’s continuing work.

The rest of the group is just fine with the decision to disband in support of continued drinking.

“Who knew how much fun you can have without all your inhibition?” Simpson said.

Janie Forehall (NHS ’13), former president of InterHall, was extremely disappointed in GPB. He encouraged the one dissenting member to join InterHall instead.

“Students don’t want to drink. They just don’t know that yet. They’re too drunk most of the time to notice how much sober fun there is on campus,” Kenslea said just before his turn to compete for movie passes at Charades Night.