To all Georgetown Students,
I hope you all had a fun and relaxing St. Patrick’s Day. It is a time of year where, whether we posses the proper ancestry or not, we all celebrate Irish heritage. While we at the university understand that the consuming of alcoholic beverages is a regular feature of this holiday we hope that all who partook did so responsibly and with the safety of those around you in mind. That having been said, I’ll admit I found it very disappointing that I was not invited to one St. Patrick’s Day rager.

Now I want to be frank with you all: I love St. Patrick’s Day. It’s the one time of year where I can let my hair down, stop being “Dr. Todd Olsen, VP of Student Affairs” and opt for my preferred moniker “Dr. T-Dog Olsen, Kegmeister.” And everyone knows that T-Dog Kegmeister brings the party, irrespective of time or location.  Yes sir it’s a verifiable certainty that shit goes down and goes down with force when I’m around. Which is why I was so shocked, and frankly, disappointed that no one thought that maybe I would be interested in some St. Patty’s reveling.

I’ll admit I feel played. When I hadn’t received an invite a week before, I was concerned, but thought little of it. “They’re college students,” I said to my secretary. “Logistics aren’t their strong suit. I’m sure they’re just finalizing their permit for a medium-sized celebration with alcohol. Once that happens they’ll finalize their guest list and I’ll find out in the next couple days.” My secretary did not respond to this. She must’ve been on to something because I received nothing, no envelope, evite, personal messenger, facebook event notice, nothing.

Do you want to know how I spent my St. Patrick’s Day? Sitting in my office wearing my special St. Patrick’s Day tie, which is green btw, waiting for my phone to ring.  I spent hours fantasizing getting a phone call from one of you, out of breath, profusely apologizing, telling me that they’re so sorry that my invite slipped their mind. You’d tell me over and over that we can’t have a party without you, T-Dog, get yourself over to our townhouse, we’re popular and we have a townhouse. But this never came to be. Instead I woke up Sunday morning at my desk. No parties, no happy college students, no fun for T-Diggity Keg-Meister.

What is it you kids want? I could’ve gotten you so much alcohol. They don’t look askance at doctors! But you blew it. I hope you’re happy.