The Georgetown Heckler

Opinion Features | September 14, 2013

A Plea for Action from Russia

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Recent events surrounding the Georgetown satellite campus have prompted me to speak directly to the Georgetown student body and university administrators. It is important to do so at a time of insufficient communication between our societies.

I was deeply saddened to hear that Georgetown University is contemplating the idea of a satellite campus to meet its commitment to house additional students. Such a plan, were it adopted, would undermine the unity and social integrity of your university community. One president to another, I applaud GUSA President Nate Tisa and his “One Georgetown, One Campus” campaign. Would that I could also laud the efforts of President Jack DeGioia.

President DeGioia, in order to secure approval for Georgetown’s 2010 Campus Action Plan, you consented to unreasonable demands foisted upon you by the greater Georgetown community. In submitting to the whims of the people, you committed Georgetown to house an additional 385 students on campus by fall 2015 and landed your university in this mess of a situation. A true president knows that he must never be cowed by the people. A true president chooses the path to follow and silences those who object. When a rabble of feminist punks defiles a church, he jails them. When an ethnic separatist movement emerges, he quashes it. That is the only way to run a country or a university.

Now I ask you, President DeGioia, where does the true power in Georgetown reside, with the residents or with the university? You command hundreds of millions of dollars in endowments, DPS security forces, and an army of over 7,000 students who, with the money they pump into Qdoba every Tuesday evening, are the engine that drives the economy of greater Georgetown. With the judicial use of the resources at your disposal, surely you can silence the ignorant mob that lives outside your gates. The next time you have a campus plan coming up for a vote, come visit me in Moscow and I will share with you some of my “campaign strategies.”

And yet, it is not merely enough to deal with dissent at home. Georgetown University is an excellent school, and we in the Russian Federation are always greatly impressed by your students that come to study in our country. We hope that Georgetown will continue to expand its operations, yet as it does so, you must eventually outgrow your hilltop. Faced with such internal pressures, Georgetown must turn its attention outwards. Luckily for you, your campus is surrounded by weak neighbors whose lands and resources are ripe for the taking.

Take the George Washington University, for instance. Their campus is strategically located in Foggy Bottom, close to the State Department, the White House, and Federal Triangle.  And yet, could not that campus be better utilized by the brilliant minds of Georgetown? When GW students come to Russia, all they do is heave up vodka all over the Red Square. That safety school has had it too good for too long. More importantly, however, GW has access to that most vital of DC arteries: the Metro. Too long have Georgetown students consented to ride GUTS to Dupont.  You deserve a Metro stop on your own campus. Georgetown must seize this opportunity to secure the resources it needs for a bright future!

At least in this area, President DeGioia has not been idle. The opening of your new School of Continuing Studies location downtown provides you with a forward base that, combined with the Georgetown Law Center, will allow you to threaten GW on two fronts. An alliance with the Catholic University of America would ensure that you have overwhelming force—Russia is no stranger to concept of Holy Alliances. Catholic can receive the campus of Howard University for its troubles. With that, you need only the smallest of pretexts to invade Georgia [sic] Washington. Claim that you are protecting a group of self-deterministic students and strike when the other schools in the District of Columbia are distracted (preferably by a large sporting event).

As the debate over the satellite campus continues, you will read opinion pieces calling for “continuing dialogue” and the need to “strengthen mutual trust.” Do not let yourselves be fooled: idle talk begets nothing. Georgetown must take action. Action against those that would criticize its policies. Action against the people that would seek to constrain the power of its leaders. Action against the neighbors that would hem it in. Georgetown is an exceptional school and must use its authority to take what it deserves. When we ask for the Lord’s blessings, we must not forget that the one in authority is God’s servant, not to be opposed.

Vladimir V. Putin is president of Russia and an occasional contributor to the New York Times. He also authors a weekly living column for Wealth Magazine, “Putin on the Ritz.”