LEAVEY CENTER – With allegation pouring in described as “shocking” and “eye opening,” the Georgetown University Student Association secret service has come under fire in the past week for a “perpetual failure to exist.”

“These kinds of allegations, if true, place the security of prominent GUSA leaders in jeopardy,” said GUSA President Nate Tisa (SFS ʼ14). “I pledge to get to the bottom to the bottom of this.”

Over the course of the week, numerous anonymous individuals have come forward to reveal that no GUSA secret service actually exists or has ever existed. The story was first leaked by an outgoing member of GUSA through a front-page Hoya expose at the end of the semester. Since this time many other sources have come forward to confirm the allegations.

“This embarrassment has left our campusʼs GUSA leaders incredibly vulnerable,” said GUSA member Jack Applebaum. “Things like this might lead other students to believe that these individuals are only undergrads playing student government and not high value targets.”

Passerbys in Red Square expressed a similar outrage.

“What?” said Frank Turney (SFS ʼ15).

“No, thanks,” said Emily Woll (MSB ʼ16).

“Sorry, I donʼt vote,” said Matt Curp (SFS ʼ16).

The GUSA secret service could not be reached for comment.