LAU — Calling it a “huge blown opportunity”, sophomore Jason Wells (COL ’17) forgot to tell his peers about spending last Saturday afternoon in Lauinger Library.

Wells said he is “really upset” that he missed “such a great opportunity” to feign self-discipline and commitment to academics to his peers.

Lau, where Wells forgot to amaze his classmates with tales of studying on a Saturday.

“The amount of pity I could have gotten this past weekend would have been huge,” said Wells about the visit in which he perused Facebook and other social media sites for two hours next to his open Econ textbook.

“It’s kind of a way for me to feel better about myself, and also make whoever I’m talking to feel kind of inferior. You see, usually I’ll pop off a quick tweet, like, ‘ugh, can’t believe I’m stuck in Lau on a Saturday’ to really get the message out.”

“Ugh Jason went to the library on a Saturday? God he is probably doing so much better than me in Econ,” said classmate Lauren Guster (SFS ’17) who got as much studying as Wells done on Saturday while taking a nap.

Despite Wells’ multiple upcoming exams, analysts were unanimous in their assertion that his time at Lau was wholly unproductive.