Washington in weather-induced chaos on Thursday.

CAPITOL HILL – In a routine display of caution after moderate weather in any corner of the nation, Washington DC will be shut after five inches of snow fell in in North Dakota. This decision will mean unnecessary government offices and operations will not operate tomorrow.

District officials were concerned that most drivers would not be able to safely navigate their vehicles to work with such extreme weather conditions only a few hundred miles away.

“By keeping most drivers at home, we hope we can limit the amount of accidents on the street, as well as ensure emergency vehicles will be able to access accidents that do occur,” reported Head of Weather Safety Greg Erikson.

“Will this turbulent weather strike here next? We have no way of knowing,” he added.

Reports have confirmed the federal government will remain shut down until the threat has subsided.

Residents of DC have also been advised to stay indoors should the winter storm front suddenly move a mere 1317 miles southeast, as well as make any last minute preparations to their survival kits at home.

“A good survival kit will have water, nonperishable food, and an AM radio which can receive weather updates from as far away as Montana and Wyoming,” emphasized local news anchor Jane Woodruff.

Despite the intense warnings issued by the government for “constant vigilance” over 90% of the country had temperatures in the mid-50s in the weekend forecast.