RED SQUARE—In an effort to “promote like peace and understanding man,” Georgetown hippies have pressured the University to recognize Red Square as a “free love zone.”

“We just like need somewhere to hang out and come together” said Flower Moon (SFS ’17), one of the hippies, adding that Red Square “has the perfect acoustics for Jasmine’s jam seshes.”

 
The hippies’ movement has not been able to gain much steam, as the hippies encountered difficulties in forming an organizational structure for their protests. Some point to the hippies’ aversion to “bad vibes” to explain why no message materialized out of the impromptu protest.

 
“A bunch of smelly old people just showed up in Red Square one day” said Jay Gruber, Chief of Police describing the incident, adding “I didn’t even know there was a message behind it.”

Gruber seemed unperturbed by the protest, saying “at least they’re not distributing condoms or anything, then we’d have a problem” but decided on sending out a Public Safety Alert anyway “just to be safe.”

“You know you can never have too many public safety alerts,” he added.

 
It is unclear if the protestors will next focus their efforts on the Healey Family Student Center. “I don’t know man it seems all future-y and stuff” said Moon, adding “It just doesn’t have that anti-establishment open air feel that the Square does.”

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