Seth Rogen’s comedy about annihilating the homosexual scourge is an instant classic!
I tend not to be a fan of that Seth Rogen fellow, with his slacker attitude and his obsession with substance abuse. Yet I was very surprised to hear that he finally created a film with a positive message – namely, that it is our duty as Americans to end the homosexual scourge once and for all.
In The Interview, Seth Rogen and James Flacco are given the chance to conduct an exclusive televised interview with the notorious Kim Jong Un. Seizing the opportunity, CIA operatives approach the duo and order them to assassinate North Korea’s supreme leader.
Kim Jong Un rules his nation with an iron (and likely bedazzled) homosexual fist, but his sins reach far beyond simple draconian rule. In an unsettling scene with Flacco, Un (played by Randall Park) confesses his enjoyment of drinks and music that are specifically intended for female consumption. The film makes clear the United States’ ultimate duty: that we cut down any trace of homosexuality before it rots our society and we end up like North Korea.
There are many reasons to eradicate homosexuality. Medical evidence suggests that children who experience second-hand homosexuality can become damaged. I can personally attest to this, as the children of Kevin, my father’s homosexual roommate, are really strange.
After learning of Kim Jong Un’s unnatural appetites, Flanlco (the Judas figure of the film) sympathizes with him. The extremely annoying Flancco is intentionally depicted as a pansy in order to reinforce the film’s call to action: Wake up America, and do your part to cleanse the world of lady-men.
(Sorry, I feel like I should clarify: when my parents got divorced, my dad moved in with his tennis instructor, Kevin. Despite his queerness, Kevin is really nice, and even calls me his “step-daughter” sometimes as sort of an inside joke. It’s too bad he will burn in Hell.)
But this film’s exploration of homosexuality isn’t confined to North Koreans: Rogen and Flancco’s relationship is often uncomfortably homoerotic. They touch each other a lot, in the way that homosexuals are prone to do. Like, even though my dad is straight, sometimes Kevin will hold his hand or give him shoulder rubs. My dad doesn’t say anything, probably because he doesn’t want to be rude; Kevin is incapable of controlling his homosexual urges while in the presence of a handsome man like my dad.
Anyway, when Seth Rogen and John Flacco blow up Kim Jong Un, thereby liberating North Korea from the will of a Katy Perry-loving fruitcake, a warm glow came over me. I realized that, despite the filth of popular culture, Americans still understand that it is our responsibility as the world’s most powerful nation to rid the world of homosexuality. Though this film is a fiction, I believe that the CIA would definitely support obliterating any openly homosexual world leader in a fiery death blast, foreshadowing the hellfire that inevitably awaits.
Speaking of blast: last year my dad and his friend Kevin decided to open a very quaint bed and breakfast together in Vermont. They even have a blog about their B&B written from the perspective of their grumpy papillon Mitzy! It’s really funny! I have a “blast” reading it!!
“The Interview” is rated R (Under 17 requires accompanying parent or adult guardian).
