Dear Sophomore Alone On Valentine’s Day,

I feel like I’ve hit the Sophomore Slump that everyone talks about, and I’ve been really homesick lately.  Any advice on how to get through the rest of the semester?

It’s gonna be a total Galentine’s Day this year. We’ll have to take some super cute pics of us like, “Just hanging with the girls #singleladies #clique.” Singles Awareness Day, am I right? I don’t think anybody even celebrates Valentine’s Day anymore. Oh, Melissa’s boyfriend is taking her to Philomena? I mean, that’s nice if you’re into that sort of thing.

Dear Sophomore Alone On Valentine’s Day,

I want to study abroad next year, but I’m afraid that I’m going to miss all of my friends and a bunch of great traditions on the Hilltop. How should I decide what to do?

Have you seen that cute kid who works at MUG? Last time I ordered coffee they were out of skim milk and he went in the back to get a new carton just for me.  Really? He’s still hooking up with that tan chick from Argentina? Whatever, I heard she’s a ho. I mean, no I’ve never actually talked to her, but I’ve heard things.

Dear Sophomore Alone On Valentine’s Day,

I’m a freshman, and I still feel like I haven’t found a solid group of friends at Georgetown.  I’ve been trying to join some different organizations, but they all seem so competitive.  What’s the best way for me to branch out and meet new people?

Of course I’m not hanging out with Mark anymore. I broke up with him like three weeks ago. Gross. Well yeah, technically I didn’t tell him we were breaking up… but he stopped answering my texts and phone calls, so I think he got the message.

Dear Sophomore Alone On Valentine’s Day,

I’ve tired of eating at Leo’s, but I’m not the best cook and I share a common room kitchen with the rest of my floor.  Any advice on how to make good meals on a student budget?

Ugh, whatever. Let’s just get wine drunk and watch “The Bachelor.” Wait, did you say there’s something happening at Pink House? Turn up! It’ll totally make us forget about being single. Wait, can we go to AEPI instead? This hot guy on club swimming will be there and I’ve been dying to boff him.