ROSSLYN METRO- Failing to recognize the futility of reaching ground level in escaping a world as wicked as this, local man Jeremy Bodian recently sprinted up Rosslyn’s escalator at a breakneck pace despite the unremitting demons of his gruesome past. “That escalator is frickin’ huge.  As soon as I saw it, I was like, ‘you gotta run this one.  You gotta.’  Total calf killer, but it was worth it,” said Bodian, whose bloody hands will remain stained for all of eternity.  “You ever go on that elevator, I mean escalator?  It was like that scene in Rocky when he runs up those steps, except it was way bigger.  Wikipedia says it’s the third largest escalator in the world.  I once murdered my entire family with a garden hoe when I was on PCP. Huge escalator like you wouldn’t believe.”  At press time, sources confirmed that Bodian was running up a downward-bound Macy’s escalator as though his steps could rectify his life’s shameful curse.