NEW SOUTH- Austin Bell (MSB ’18) reportedly returned a condom to a H*yas For Choice door envelope this past weekend, boasting about his thrifty sensibility. “I pride myself on my lack of wastefulness. I mean, I even recycle my aglets when I no longer need a pair of shoes. So as soon as I knew I wouldn’t need the condom, I just had to give it back,” said Bell. “I was chatting up this chick at AEPi, but when she mentioned her boyfriend, I strapped on my Vibram FiveFingers and sprinted to the nearest home of a H*yas for Choice representative I could find.” At 3 AM, Bell arrived at the door of Kristen Peters (MSB ’16), who has distributed condoms with H*yas for Choice since her freshman year. “That’s never happened before,” said Peters as she remembered the night Bell came banging at her door, packaged and pristine condom in hand. “To be honest, the Crocs he was wearing were the only contraceptive method he needed.” Bell told The Heckler that he’s happy he’s finally getting recognized for his anti-excess mentality and hopes that this act of pure selflessness will win him a hand delivered award from President John DeGoia.