LEO O’DONOVAN HALL — Citing the need for more variety in the options at Leo’s Dining Hall, Aramark will add the discarded remains of fair contract proposals to the Salad Bar selection.

“We hope that offering another option like shredded union contract proposals will help to reduce lines and give students an additional healthy choice,” said Aramark CEO Franklin Haverford in an official statement. “We care about nutritional value just as much as we care about the basic rights of our employees.”

Aramark leadership maintains that the new menu item is sustainable because of their persistent disregard of their workers’ wishes for fair treatment.

“With thousands of unionized Aramark workers in the DC area, many of whom work 40 hours a week with little healthcare coverage, we should have no problems obtaining the necessary produce,” Aramark official Merriam Crawley explained.

While students were disappointed to see agreements protecting workers’ rights shredded, they couldn’t help but enjoy the delicate yet crisp leaves of paper with their meals.

“I think the shredded contracts just have that tender, loving care that much of the other dining hall food lacks. The contracts aren’t bland, at least they have soul,” an anonymous student commented. “Something about injustice complements garbanzo beans so well.”