RED SQUARE – On Friday, Jessica Tillowitz (SFS ’17) marked her 36th visit to a GU Grilling Society (GUGS) event in an attempt to make member Anthony Meyer (COL ’15) notice her. Tillowitz has reportedly gained upwards of 20 lbs from the endeavor, buying multiple burgers per occasion for the added “face time”.
“I’m so so close!” Tillowitz said, counting her wad of cash to make the day’s purchases. “He’s bound to notice me some day! I just don’t think I’ve bought enough burgers yet.”
The man of her affections, Senior Anthony Myer, is a “Grill Master” in the society and says he’s noticed some of her advances.
“I see her. Yup, I see her everywhere. Jennifer, I think her name is.” Myer recalled a weekend last April in which he was returning from Reiss and saw a girl drop her books. Myer ran over to help the student pick up her belongings, only to realize that each notebook had his name scribbled inside. That student would end up being Jessica Tillowitz.
“My name. Every. Single. Page. In a multitude of fonts! Arial, Helvetica, wingdings. It was psychotic!” Myer recalled. “I can’t take that kind of behavior.”
“Months of planning,” Tillowitz conceded. “He made eye contact with me, he looked right at me! I dropped my bag in front of him about eight or nine times the rest of that year but he would never come over to me.”
Myer saw the bag drops, but he had become a bit hesitant of Tillowitz advances. However, Tillowitz, undaunted, continued to pursue Myer. It was in the fall of this year that she saw him at a GUGS grill for the first time.
“That was it! He was obligated to tend that grill and serve anyone who ordered. I’m a go getter, when I see something I want, I go for it.” Tillowitz then began frequenting the Grilling Society at the club’s every appearance. “At first I just tried talking to him while he grilled, but he never noticed me,” Tillowitz remembered. “So then I had to try something different.”
“No, I heard her,” Myer admitted. “She would shout my name directly at me while I tried to grill. It was very distracting. I was almost kicked out of the club.”
Tillowitz then ordered her first burger and everything changed. Myer was obligated to serve her. “It was like a revelation,” Tillowitz said, “It only cost me $3 for a burger and I would have a complete 20 to 35 seconds of him all to myself.”
“I have no idea where she gets the money to buy so many burgers,” Myer noted. “She will buy between three to five burgers per grilling sesh, then nod at me while she eats them. Like she knows I’m watching. I’m mostly frightened, but a little bit flattered.”
Since her first appearance at a GUGS event in August at, Tillowitz has gained 26 lbs, but she has no plans to stop.
“He’s seen me. I know he’s seen me. I will not stop until I am spoken to. Until then, it’s three full-time jobs, two part-times jobs, and the occasional blood platelet donation all getting me the burger money.”
To date, Anthony Myer has yet to speak to Jessica Tillowitz, but she’s preparing for next season. “I am the largest single-consumer of beef in the Chesapeake region and,god as my witness, Anthony Myer will know.”