RED SQUARE – On Friday, Jessica Tillowitz (SFS ’17) marked her 36th visit to a GU Grilling Society (GUGS) event in an attempt to make member Anthony Meyer (COL ’15) notice her.  Tillowitz has reportedly gained upwards of 20 lbs from the endeavor, buying multiple burgers per occasion for the added “face time”.   “I’m […]

Dave McConnell (MSB ’17), a junior intern at the United States Central Intelligence Agency, has repeatedly been asked to leave parties after insisting on telling every attendee that he holds a “license to chill.”   “It’s not like I was going to use it,” McConnell said while pointing a finger-gun upwards. “I was just trying […]

Early in the morning of March 28th, Republican Senator Tom Cotton (R-AR) received a text from the official phone number of the Iranian Clerical Leadership. The text was simply a sunglasses emoji.   Many in Washington are speculating as to what exactly the Geopolitical implications are of this correspondence. Some insist that it details a […]