After the Georgetown basketball’s decisive 79-72 victory over the Syracuse Orange, Hoya Blue member Steve Parlo (COL ’17) is ready to shed his earthly desires and achieve interminable peace. “That was a great game. I will no longer experience pain. I will no longer age. I have escaped my worldly condemnation to death. My flames of greed are extinguished and my soul is liberated,” said Parlo, who thought he would never witness another Syracuse game since the Western New York school relocated to the ACC in 2013. Asked what else he looked forward to for the Hoyas’ regular season, Parlo said, “Nothing. I do not want. This months-long lead-up to this pre-season matchup was my celestial path to rebirth and today’s win against a ranked opponent is that path’s end. But maybe winning the Big East championships would be cool.” At press time, sources reported seeing Parlo opting against taking the metro and chose instead to dissolve into millions of particles of light and ascend to the heavens.