WHITE GRAVENOR – After over a decade-long epic battle, an era has come to and end this Sunday as the Jan Karski statue reluctantly conceded its game of chess, which started in 2002, pitting the statue in a confrontation with the elements and drunken passersby.

The first unexpected turn in the match came in 2003 when then-Freshman and comic mastermind Harold Yaeger (MSB ’07) drunkenly broke off and stole the White-Queen, putting the statue of Jan Karski far ahead on the board. “When I came to Georgetown, I never thought I’d get the opportunity to disrespect a monument to both an alum and an international icon of peace and human rights activism,” said the universally hated thief in a phone interview. “I’m just upset I never got to spray-paint a dick in the Healy foyer or do some other dope shit while I was a student there.”

While the statue entered the year 2007 with a strong lead, the blizzard in February, combined with even more ambitious, drunk assholes, quickly tore away at his Knights and Rooks. With no attack pieces left, along with a notoriously weak end game, Jan finally ceded this Sunday afternoon.

At press time, university officials explored the possibility of replacing the chess board with a plaque that reads, “I hope you’re happy with yourselves, you drunk fucks.”