LONDON – We haven’t heard from Adele in about five-ish years so we figured it was about time to check in. Her bi-decadely album has to be on its way and we at the Heckler want to help you prepare. For starters, you have to get sad now. This means taking the necessary steps. You can solemnly part ways with a lifelong friend. Or perhaps get a dog for precisely the amount of time it takes to become attached to said dog and after which you return him to the shelter. Or maybe you can repurchase the same dog because you just couldn’t bear the sadness of his parting and then realize that the little fella cannot stand being in your presence after what you did to him, so after weeks of the the pup refusing to eat or drink you give in to his demands and return him once more. The point is to get sad and do it quick.

We want you to get sad now, before Adele’s much anticipated album drop, because we want to allow for time to reflect. Adele’s music isn’t about wallowing in sadness, that is what Survivor’s “Eye of the Tiger” and Queen’s “We Will Rock You/We Are the Champions” are for. Nay, Adele’s ballads are all about recovery. We listen to them because we want to heal, because we want to become someone greater than we were before. Nothing says healing quite like wishing “nothing but the best” for someone/something. Or also begging that thing (a 12.5 pound brown speckled basset hound named Cleon) to “don’t forget me.” Or screaming “hello from the other side” at the locked and bolted door of the animal shelter where Cleon, the 12.5 pound basset hound, resides. Or sniveling “I’m sorry for breaking your heart” as a high school aged volunteer at the animal shelter that Cleon now calls home comes outside to see if everything is alright.

We at the Heckler are excited for Adele’s forthcoming album which should be coming to stores any time now.