TUNNELS– John Doe (MSB ’21) was extremely proud to be elected as the Marketing Representative of his secret society, which obviously will remain nameless, because it’s a secret. Doe was proud of his society which promoted wealth and homogeny.

However, things are starting to turn sour for Doe as he’s starting to wonder what exactly his job entail.

Don’t get him wrong, he knows what a marketing rep does; after all, he’s a sophomore in the MSB, so marketing is basically second nature to him at this point. But is he supposed to be publicizing the secret society? Or keeping it, you know, a secret?

He knows he’s not supposed to be recruiting people, there’s a guy for that. He’s not really supposed to promote events, because only members of this elite society are able to attend.

So what is he supposed to be doing? His unparalleled graphic design and witty-slogan-creating skills are languishing from disuse.

Maybe he’s supposed to be creating a better image of the society among its members? But that doesn’t make any sense, they all already know how totally rad it is. Duh.

If anyone has advice for John please send help. He can be contacted at [REDACTED].