Presidential hopeful, Beto O’Rourke made a splash in Iowa where he has begun his energized campaign. Garnering a great deal of support after nearly unseating the entrenched and always-clothed Ted Cruz in a highly contested Texas Senate race, Beto kept up the momentum in an exciting Iowa showing. O’Rourke spouted off his unifying rhetoric all while wearing a smart casual button down and a pair of slim fitting dark slacks. An impressive start to a campaign, but many Beto fans were left unsatisfied. “At the very least he could have unbuttoned the top couple of buttons!” bemoaned Joan Collins (COL ‘21). Another student, Keith Barron (SFS ‘22), complained, “I didn’t donate my entire allowance just to see him wear clothes!”

Disgruntled university students do not make good supporters so it is expected Beto will make some changes to his approach. Based on the unusually steamy sensation O’Rourke fans feel when watching him speak, it is reasonable to assume that the next time we see Beto on the news, he will have traded out his bland centrist get-up for a more progressive chippendale bow tie and sexy socialist fishnet tights.