“It all felt like a normal day in Uncommon Grounds,” explained communist, Todd Boddson (COL ‘19), “until I saw the criminal behavior occurring on my favorite table.” A fellow Georgetown student had taken several textbooks, loose papers, a notebook, and her laptop and completely monopolized an entire table. Boddson typically hangs around Uncommon Grounds in the afternoon, socializing with the baristas. “I was rejected from The Corp sophomore year and I figured this is the best I could do,” said Boddson. He continued on to say, “This abuse of a shared resource totally wrecked my plans to sit near the straws, and give customers reproachful looks for not choosing to lap up their iced coffee like a dog.” The accused party, Janice Gladyce (MSB ‘21), said in her defense, “It is well within in my right as an American to acquire as much capital as possible. I don’t see any signs prohibiting me from obtaining my Manifest Destiny.” Seeing Gladyce’s success in securing her own table, Jeremy Cook (MSB ‘22) vowed to to take this land grabbing to the next level. “Tomorrow a bunch of my friends from my Accounting class are going to occupy all the tables and charge customers to study,” said Cook. “There is an untapped market here,” he said with a smirk.