WASHINGTON, DC – Democratic House leadership announced today that they were putting an immediate hold on any impeachment-related inquiries in order to focus on what they called “much more pressing issues.”

“Some things just take precedence over impeachment,” said House Speaker Nancy Pelosi (D-CA), “namely, the question that has haunted my dreams for the past five days: why deep sea fish all freaky like that?” 

Rep. Adam Schiff (D-CA) concurred, with fear creeping into his eyes as he held up a picture of a particularly revolting anglerfish. “I’ve spent the past three years trying to get to this point in impeachment proceedings, but Jesus Christ this is more important. If God made us share the world with this abomination, I’m not sure if we were meant to crawl out of our little caves.”

This inquiry seems to be unique in that it has substantial bipartisan support. Rep. Rob Wittman (R-VA) expressed the view of many Republicans when he noted that Congress “needs to get to the bottom of this immediately, because I’m not sure if I can believe in a loving God if He is responsible for all that freakiness.”