NEW SOUTH—Jane Bakers (NHS ’23) moved into her New South dorm this fall ready to make new friends. But she wasn’t Jane Bakers. She was Natasha Birmingham (MSB ’23), and she was cool. James Hood (SFS ’21), The Heckler’s resident cool person, described her as, “the next big thing.” People love her name. They love that she’s from New York City and her dad works at NBC. They love that she wears fingerless fishnet gloves and platform Converse. Everyone loves her. Except one person. 
Amanda Wagner (COL ’23) went to high school with Natasha, but Amanda still calls Natasha Jane. She doesn’t get that Jane rebranded. Every time Natasha sees Amanda, she runs the other way. No one else can know that she grew up in rural Oregon (no, not anywhere near Portland), or that her platform Converse are off-brand. And no one can know that her real name is Jane. But Amanda keeps ruining it. She calls Natasha, “Jane,” every time she gets the chance, and people are starting to notice. Carter Peterson (COL ’22) commented, “Yeah, I thought she was super cool until Amanda called her Jane and I realized the whole thing was a farce.” Maybe it’s time that Natasha hangs up her fingerless fishnet gloves and goes back to being Jane.