NEW SOUTH— Johnny and Kyle, residents of New South 208, took matters into their own hands after a mouse scurried across their floor during a game of beer pong. The next morning, Johnny and Kyle walked to Safeway to buy several mousetraps, which they then placed in each corner of the room.

“It’s weird, looking back on it…” Johnny testified. “It’s like, we knew we needed to get rid of the mouse, but I felt so guilty, using tricks and the promise of food in order to bring the mouse to its slaughter. I guess it’s what the mouse wanted after all… or is it? Does anybody speak Italian?”

Johnny and Kyle woke up at 6 AM the next morning to the deafening SNAP of a mousetrap. When Kyle turned on the lights, however, there was more than just a dead mouse on the ground.

“We looked at the note for ages, but couldn’t figure out what it meant. It was written in Italian, we think, because at the bottom it says arrivederci, and I think the mouse signed his name as Luigi, but who’s to say?” (Kyle).

Indeed, the little guy most likely wrote down his final thoughts in an attempt to find closure or solace before jumping head-first onto the mousetrap, but we’ll never know. Unless somewhere here speaks Italian?