In a shocking turn of events, this past Sunday the Student Guards orchestrated a coup d’etat, dissolving GUSA and establishing a brutal police state. 

Effective immediately, all civil liberties have ceased to exist across campus. Reports indicate that Student Guards have the right to beat the ever-loving shit out of anyone that “be looking at them funny.” 

Death squads roam campus day and night, wielding their signature card-swipers of death. “All must kneel before the Student Guards,” said the masked leader of one of the groups. “Our mission is to keep you safe. Any deaths that may result are necessary collateral damage.”

“We fear for our lives night and day,” said the leader of a small resistance group currently holed up in Lau 4, who refused to give us her name for fear of reprisals. “We need constant vigilance if we are to survive this reign of terror perpetuated by the Student Guards.”

“It came out of nowhere,” the rebel leader continued. “One day, they were infrequently swiping our GO Cards for no apparent reason, the next day they were killing our friends via firing squad. Shit really escalated quickly.” 
Since The Hoya and The Voice have both been taken over by the new regime, The Heckler remains the only free and independent news source on campus. REPEAT: WE ARE THE ONLY NEWS YOU CAN TRUST. ALL OTHER NEWS IS LIES. VIVE LE HECKLER.