Breaking news! Presidential hopeful and democratic frontrunner, Joe Biden, has tested positive for COVID-19. 

This is what we are going to say when it happens. It’s just good journalism to have the news ready to print before it happens so you can be the ones to say it first. The Heckler prides itself in its rapid response to important developing events and it is foresight and perparaton like this, which makes it happen. 

It is also good to have some quotes ready. Nobody ever really checks these things so we can kinda just say whatever and it’s fine, as long as it is reasonably believable. 

In a statement delivered from his hospital bed, Biden groaned, “Trump over Bernie though, lowkey.” 

In addition, Jill Biden, addressed supporters in an Instagram post saying, “Hubby sicky! :(” 

See how easy that is? Now all we need to do is put the correct date in for when he finally makes the announcement and send it straight to the presses!