AT HOME – Rita Miller (COL ‘24) of Peoria, Illinois had an unforgettable NSO experience. Recalling the imaginary picnic to which Rita was to bring raspberries (and Taylor was to bring Twizzlers, Charlie was to bring crackers, and so on), NSO was like an idyllic summer’s day, carefree, spent with best friends. She said, “I just immediately felt at home with everybody. When we made a GroupMe without our orientation leader to talk trash, that’s when I knew this was real. Just think, I was randomly sorted into a group with all of my best friends!” 

Unfortunately for Rita, she is mistaken. She is far more compatible with Millie Tremaine (COL ‘24), who was destined to live just three doors down on the second floor of New South. They were to get a radio show together and call it “How I Met Your Brother” (curated around The brothers Jonas, Doobie, and Naked). Also, Rita was to meet her first husband, Vernon Crone (MSB ‘18) on a Vil A Rooftop on Homecoming. They were to spend several happy years together before marriage. Rita would find a secondary best friend in New South neighbor Sharon Jerome (NHS ‘24) when Sharon was in her room by accident (what Rita took to be a funny accident was actually one of Sharon’s kleptomaniacal episodes). And then there was the case of Andy “Randy” Newman (COL ‘ 24). They would lean on each other academically to pass COSC 051 and emotionally to get Rita through her first marriage with Vernon.

Sitting in her childhood bedroom, Zooming would-be-acquaintances is how Rita will spend her Freshman year instead. Whether this is for better or worse, the Heckler cannot say for sure yet. 

But we bet worse