Let’s face it. Love is difficult. Especially for those of us who are not Zooey Deschanel. So how exactly does a woman find love if she falls short of the unsurmountable standards Zooey has set, and she also lacks the necessary skills to be a good girlfriend? Here’s how:

1. Get some bangs on your forehead, girl! You can rock it! And while you’re at it, go ahead and buy some feminine retro-style dresses and big eyeglasses to frame your eyes. Guys love a gal with near-sighted visi- oh whoops, no stop. This is Zooey’s whole thing. You can’t rock her look. People will just compare you to her, and then it’ll be a whole “who wore it best?” situation. You just can’t win that game, because obviously Zooey wore it best. Zooey wears it best every time.
2. Ask your potential man about his day. How was it? After he’s done rambling on about whatever, tell him about your jogging photography group that you run with during the weekend. Or tell him about your job dressing up as a Christmas elf at the mall. How adorably quirky and zany! Wait a second. You don’t do any of that stuff. That’s what Zooey Deschanel does in Yes Man and Elf, respectively. You’re just a student and sometimes an unpaid intern. 
3. Add a couple extra vowels to your first name. Zooey has three in her first name (and sometimes four if you count ‘y’), but no need to shoot that high. That level of endearing idiosyncrasy is simply unattainable.
4. On a similar note, you can take up the ukulele, but don’t take up the baritone ukulele. That’s Zooey’s instrument. Don’t you dare touch the baritone ukulele. You don’t have the smooth, mellow voice to match it.
5. Run to get into his elevator before it closes. Tell him that you love The Smiths. You said you love The Smiths. He has great taste in music. “To die by your side is such a heavenly way to die.” You love ‘em.