We at the Heckler know your situation. The Fountain Pen Boy from your discussion section, unannounced, introduces himself to you and applauds you on a great question last class. Before you know it, he explains the answer TA Josh gave you with a myriad of false and unnecessary details. We know what you’re thinking: What do you do? What can you do? You don’t need to pretend that this is practice for the rest of your career in politics anymore!! Here are three ways how to escape: 

1. Point, saying “did someone leave a lightly worn copy of Infinite Jest in the front row?” When he turns, run for it. 

Fountain Pen Boys love to talk about how much David Foster Wallace changed the course of their lives. At the off-chance it’s not his copy, his pride will still make you believe it is. 

2. Take his pen, unscrew the nib, and throw it to the ground. When he cries out “my nib!” run for it. 

This method may result in ink splatter all over your hands, but on the plus side you get to ruin his whole week. Just imagine the price for Office Depot rush shipping he has to pay for a new nib! 

3. Say that you’ll give him Langenbacher’s wife’s cell number if he’ll just leave you alone. Please. 

All the Fountain Pen Boy wants is encouragement/reassurance that his ideas are important. But what he really wants is Langenbacher’s wife’s number. Instead give him the number for automatic Kony 2012 live updates. 

There you have it. If none of these work, just try the old-fashioned way: put in AirPods and walk away.