One of the silver linings of zoom classes last year was the ability to relax a little bit while living alone (because families do not count as people). We could zone out during a lecture and shop online, let out a little fart without fearing anyone would hear you, and everyone’s favorite, muting yourself, leaning off-screen, and going to town on your toes. Just giving them a little bit of that vacuum of space, dyson-hoover, super soaker sloppy gusher action suction. I know I did this every day, and I know everyone else did too. Yes, toelingus is a little private, but we all do it.

Well, much to my embarrassment, I got a little too used to the amenities of taking class in my bed and forgot I was in a 60 person IR lecture this Tuesday. Sliding my limited edition SFS x Raytheon vans off and flinging my sock onto a lucky peer in the front row, I was sucking my toes like a softball through a straw for nearly a minute before I realized everyone was looking at me, clearly thinking, “Dude! We’d all love to be blowing our little piggies like the big bad wolf, but you’re in public.” Embarrassed, I left class immediately and am considering dropping it. What should I do?