It’s the shittiest part of the week again: It’s fish day at Leo’s! I’m absolutely devastated, but fortunately, I’m not alone. Here are twelve ways that Georgetown students mourn the arrival of the only day which might be worse than Monday.

1. Loss of bladder control – Okay, there’s no way I’m the only one.

2. Excessive crying – What amount is “excessive” varies on a person-by-person basis.

3. Destruction of own property – Sometimes a good rage is what it takes to cope with having shrimp irreversibly mixed into your otherwise acceptable mac and cheese.

4. Destruction of others’ property – They’ll understand.

5. Developing rashes – Again, no way I’m the only one.

6. Contemplations of time travel – Temporally preventing fish days may have catastrophic, unexpected, and reality-splitting long-term consequences by way of the butterfly effect.

7. Gagging – Yeah.

8. Day drinking – This was hard to measure, but I think it goes up during fish days.

9. Passive eyebrow furrowing – RBF? No, just fish day.

10. Curling into the fetal position – The asphalt isn’t ideal, but sometimes the urge to return to the safety and security of the womb dominates your better judgment.

11. Overwhelming regret – Why the hell did you matriculate here, you may ask? We don’t know either.

And, finally:
12. Killing fish populations in an attempt to stop the supply chain – I think we could do it if we all banded together.