The Heckler sent at least one correspondent (there might have been more, but we do not dare speak to each other) to the 95th Diplomatic Ball, whose name suggests the presence of diplomats, but more importantly the presence of big balls in my face. We will deliver our verdict with haste: there were far too […]

Stuffing? Check. Gravy? Check. I didn’t pull out and it felt great. I’m definitely taking this recipe down for next Thanksgiving, and the one after that, and the one after that. If only it was socially acceptable to fuck the turkey on the other 364 days of the year. If it was, you bet this […]

“Good ones are typically a few hundred dollars, but that’s only a few cents from everybody’s tuition,” remarks Elliott Walker (COL ‘24) on the price range of dog wheelchairs, which are sets of two wheels mounted to dog harnesses designed to replace the functionality of front or rear limbs. Walker’s fixation on dog wheelchairs stems […]

After the short-lived chaos of move-in day, you may feel that there isn’t much in the way of sightseeing on Georgetown’s campus, but you’d be wrong. The Heckler would like to remind you that – every year – hundreds of insecure freshmen arrive on campus wearing truly ridiculous and gawk-worthy outfits. They say that “this […]

Once a Hoya, always a Hoya.  After many autumns of successful New Student Orientation (NSO) programs, Georgetown’s Orientation, Transition & Family Engagement Team will finally give older Hoyas an equally invigorating experience through OSO: Old Student Orientation. Rather than being oriented with the campus and Georgetown’s academic system, alumni aged 65 years and older will […]

If you recently answered an Instagram poll of ours, congratulations and thank you! If you haven’t, you’re a piece of shit! The Heckler signed a contract with the National Security Agency at an undisclosed time in the past which guarantees compensation ($0.04/answer) to The Heckler in exchange for data on its readership. For a safer […]

This article was transmitted through Morse code out of a Lau 4 study room. The Heckler has only sent out war correspondents twice in the past: once for Iraq in 2008 to throw those shoes at George Bush and once for the special forces raid on The Caravel’s cache of WMDs in 2019. I, Obadiah […]

Eric Santos is a junior at Georgetown University. “This quad is great for studying – I come here almost every day.” He is a dedicated member of the prestigious Blue and Gray Tour Guide Society. “There’s an urban legend that stepping on the seal means graduating late, and personally, I believe it.” He is the […]

The big-dicked, big stick carrier is back! Trustbuster and former president Teddy Roosevelt somehow returned from the dead and made his way to Georgetown, navigating entirely by a contempt for monopolies, as a century of decomposition destroyed his eyes. “The Corp is so much worse than Nestlé and Amazon,” he was heard saying before setting […]

It’s the shittiest part of the week again: It’s fish day at Leo’s! I’m absolutely devastated, but fortunately, I’m not alone. Here are twelve ways that Georgetown students mourn the arrival of the only day which might be worse than Monday. 1. Loss of bladder control – Okay, there’s no way I’m the only one. […]