Feeling existentially lost? Doubting any just creator could preside over a world so disparate yet still essentially awful? Me too. Or at least I was, until I listened to Ween’s album The Mollusk while absolutely tripping my face off. Now all I think about is how we’re all just one cosmic orgasm made of stardust and God is the moment of ego death I experienced when “Ocean Man” came on during my trip. It’s also been hard to ponder such depressing questions while focusing on ignoring the persistent visual hallucinations I keep having, not sure what those are from.

I tried to interview the Theology professor who recommended I fix my crisis of faith with a little bit of California Sunshine, but before I could even ask anything he, totally unprompted, started humming like Matthew McConaughey in The Wolf of Wall Street and then talking about how “It’s like… We are all God and so we are the problem. And we’re also the universe… So is the universe the problem?”, all while undulating in a way I’m not sure he should be allowed to in the vicinity of students.

He also suggested checking out his new class he just added for the next semester, THEO-340 Fucking on Molly, and Other Encounters with the Divine. There are still 5 open seats!