Dating is hard and emotionally draining. Sure, you and your partner can make each other happy, but a relationship requires effort on both sides––sometimes, you just don’t have the emotional energy for that because the intricate network of global trade around the world is disintegrating. Put yourself first king, and we at The Heckler are here to help you with it. We’ve created an easy, five-step guide to breaking up with your girlfriend due to your distress over the supply chain crisis.
- Tell her that we are facing an ongoing supply chain crisis that is likely to last many years
There’s a chance she might not know we’re facing a supply chain crisis, so tell her that the global supply chain is in shambles. Explain to her that it all began when the pandemic started, because we have had a finely calibrated network of world trade over-reliant on lean production and faraway factories. The crisis has continued because of persisting COVID lockdowns and explosions in demand now that people are transitioning back to everyday life. How are you supposed to focus on the relationship when the market clearly isn’t solving for a mismatch of supply and demand?
- Tell her that ports are super crowded and there are persisting shortages everywhere
Shipping infrastructure was not prepared for the influx of cargo they were receiving due to the surge in online shopping during the pandemic, and companies struggled to produce important goods because of the erratic opening and closing of factories in important manufacturing bases. How does she expect you to commit to the relationship when ships have been backed up in Oakland and Los Angeles for over 4 weeks?
- Tell her that lasting inflation is likely to stay and central banks are conflicted over what to do about it
We don’t even know when the disruptions to the supply chain will end, so inflation is likely to last for years to come. Central banks may have to increase interest rates earlier than expected, which could threaten slow economic recovery. Workers are also quitting jobs in the shipping and trucking industry because of poor working conditions. This has drastically raised the price of many important staple goods. How does she expect you to stay awake during sex when the price of coffee has nearly doubled? You can only have half the espresso now.
- Tell her about the geopolitical implications of the crisis
Citizen unrest, a rise in populist politics, and strategic competition between the US and China have intensified protectionist tendencies. Tariffs and nontariff trade barriers are being imposed. There’s increasing domestic disillusionment with globalization and a growing distrust of political and business elites. How are you supposed to envision the future of your relationship when you can’t even envision how these geopolitical crises will play out in the near future?
- Explain that the supply chain crisis was inevitable because of the fundamental failure of capitalism, and you need to prepare for the forthcoming proletariat revolution
Ultimately, the complications with the supply chain were caused by a system that prioritized efficiency over resilience, shareholder profits over fair wages, and dirty business practices over the environment. It’s no wonder the turnover rate in the shipping industry is so high and that supply chains are struggling to function––not to mention that this is only going to get worse with rising inequality and climate change. Why does she get to ask “what are we” when you need to ask “what are the bourgeoisie doing to solve these crises?”
If she still doesn’t understand why you need space after all of this, then maybe she was never the one for you. Go find yourself a girlfriend who understands your needs, boundaries, and qualms about the global supply chain crisis and its implications for the future of the global political economy.
