On Wednesday, April 6th, 2022, Dr. Ranit Mishori decided she could take it no longer. Looking out of her penthouse on the top floor of MedStar Georgetown University Hospital, Mishori peered out over the teeming masses of students and cried, “Look at their horrible teeth! Rooting bones in rotting flesh!”

Mishori threw her stethoscope to the ground and set to work drafting an email that would cover up those hideous faces, muttering as she typed, “Hooked noses snotting onto chapped lips. Slack-jawed imbeciles kissing. Swapping spittle like baseball cards.”

 She pressed send and threw a handful of sugar cubes into a crowd of students to watch them fight. “Grabble for the sweeties you blithering buffoons. Your days of dragging your limp putrid tongues through my campus are over.” Mishori chuckled and then decided it was probably time for dinner.