The distress call came in at 11:47pm. An attempted robbery on Prospect and 36th. 

GUPD officers Gump and Gumbo blitzed to the scene at a leisurely pace. The crime was still unfolding as they arrived—a masked assailant attempting to wrest a handbag from a panicked student. 

“Woah woah woah, hold it right there mister,” officer Gump yelled as they approached. 

The thief froze and began stumbling away from the victim, his arms rising cautiously to the sky. 

“I’m gonna need you to put your hands up sir…and back on that pretty lady’s purse. We gotta make sure the community knows about this egregious incident on time.”

The robber and student stare at one another in mutual confusion. 

“Don’t make me ask again,” Gump warned, as he and Gumbo unsheathed their tasers and pointed them at the baffled criminal and his victim. The robber slowly gripped the purse’s handle. 

“Nifty—this should only take about 12-16 hours, so hold tight,” Gumbo reassured them.