It is a sausage party, but it is the greatest party of them all. 

When freshman William Edwin Ballston DeBois (SFS ‘26) was assigned Darnall 3 for his first year living accommodation at Georgetown University, he sighed, feeling ever so relieved. It’s on top of Epicurean, and the quesadilla is his favorite food. But upon reaching his room, he got a nasty shock: everyone on his floor was a male. A no babe zone! 

“I didn’t sign up for this shit. No one here asked for this,” claimed his roommate Jack Wang (COL ‘26), and his D3 brethren all agreed – they didn’t opt in for a single-gendered floor because this is America, baby! In a school with a perfect female-male ratio of 57:43, how could such a massive administrative fuck-up even occur? If not for one’s Darnall freshman floor, where would you even meet the one woman that you mate with for life? 

But it’s not the end of the world for these boys. In fact, they argue that it’s better without chicks around. “Yeah, I guess without girls around there’s like, less drama, and it’s sooooo much less complicated,” Sheffield Hampstead (MSB ‘26) admitted with a knowing smile on his face. “I get along better with guys anyways. I’m a guy’s guy. They don’t bitch and gossip and only care about make-up, like I really actually enjoy talking about sports. Basketball, football, soccer… all that stuff. Love it.” 

The D3 guys invite you to be more open-minded about inclusive living spaces, and hope that more freshmen men choose the all-male floor next year. After all, in such a tumultuous cultural and political landscape, what’s better than sharing a Miller Lite with your closest guy friend group? 

USA! USA!