As many students already know, over the past few months, Georgetown has been wracked with one crisis after another, including issues relating to hate crimes, lack of access to healthcare, and unsanitary food conditions. This has led to increasing pressure by students for the University to address its problematic social and political legacy. But the administration says asking them to solve all the school’s problems is unreasonable.

“There’s just so much wrong,” one source, who preferred to remain unnamed, commented, “And some of it’s not even our fault.” 

So rather than the complete, systemic overhaul students have been clamoring for, Georgetown is opting for a piecemeal approach. 

And they’re starting with laundry. 

Some students have pointed out that this is a strange place to begin, not only because laundry does not address many of the more serious issues on campus, but also because it’s one of the few things about the school that does not actually present a problem for the majority of its students. But the administration emphasizes that just because something isn’t a problem now doesn’t mean we shouldn’t expand considerable time and resources toward maintaining it not being a problem. 

And, they add, this is only the beginning. “We can’t say for sure,” another source told us, “But if we play our cards right, we might finally get around to painting those Lau staircases everyone’s always complaining about.”

When asked for comments about the new laundry app, one student remarked, “Yeah, I mean, it’s fine.”